The Jennifer Aniston Effect
Have you ever noticed that Jennifer Aniston is always the covergirl for the November/December/January time of year? At least one women’s magazine sports her looking bronze and radiant and youthful (nowadays with that touch of graceful maturity), usually in a gorgeous bikini covered by an age-appropriate kaftan or something. And without fail, you can’t help but feel good when you see her smiling her all-American sweetheart smile.
My theory is that she’s the poster girl for every woman who is having a shit time during the festive season; she smiles out from that magazine cover as if to say,
“Hey, stop whinging bitch, I got dumped by Brad Pitt (i.e. the sexiest most loveliest man to ever exist), and not only that but dumped and replaced by Angelina Jolie (i.e. every man’s fantasy) AND every puffy-eyed breakdown I had was splashed across every tabloid AND they still put my pictures in the ‘Look who has cellulite’ columns. If I can survive that then you can damn well stop your pity party and man the f%$* up!”.
Okay so she probably wouldn’t be that harsh, because Jennifer (we’re on first name terms) is just really lovely. But you get the point. She’s the universal sign for strength in the Western (read ‘American’) world. Italy has Mary (as in Jesus’ mom), the orient has Budda, England has Margaret Thatcher, Greece has Athena, and Hollywood has Jennifer. It doesn’t matter that by the time February rolls around every publication scorns her (for fear of you realising that perhaps you do want more than a corgie and your unwavering ‘single individual’ strength until you’re 50), next Decemeber she’ll be back there if you need her! And until then, there really is no harm in watching every episode of Friends a bazillion times.
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Running in Heels
This is not a smart idea. Don’t do it. Wedges count as heels, and they do not make falling any more graceful. Do not run in heels after cocktails, and do not run in heels after shooters. And do not run in heels and then attempt to jump ‘like a ballerina’ from the street onto the sidewalk. You will fall. Cars will hoot. You will sustain a knee scrape. And even if you put a cute Winne the Pooh plaster on it, people will still suspect drunken misdemeanour and judge you. If you are short like me, sometimes being closer to the ground is a good thing. Until January at least.
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Warm Feelings
There is nothing more wonderful and special in this world than family. And I’m lucky enough to have not only my own mental, unpredictable, pull-your-hair-out frustratingly stubborn bunch, but a serious of extended families too. Sure it may be a cliché, but so many of my friends’ families have welcomed me so warmly into their homes that I really do mentally refer to them as my ‘other parents’ or ‘other home’. There is no better cure for sadness and heartache than remembering that you are lucky enough to have a family in every province, and so much love surrounding you that to be unhappy would just be downright foolishness. My new year started with some toasts to some warm feelings (albeit these were brought on by champagne, but have proven that they have staying power), and thanks to all my loving friends and family, I think every day this year will be toasted for a warm feeling of some sorts.
"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution." - Kahil Gibran
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The Perfect Christmas...
Would be held on any day of your choosing, start with a sunrise walk on the beach, include a looooooong table outside under the African sun where the entire family would gather to make delicious salads, pastas, pizza, seafood and desserts, which would then be enjoyed on picnic blankets in the sunset with lots and lots of champagne and cherries. And everyone would fall asleep in hammocks not be bitten by mozzies.
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How to know when you are too old for ox braai
When you start thinking how nice it would be to have a dinner table, plate, knife and fork and a good bottle of wine to go with the ox. I had a glimmer of this thought, but then my ox-potato-pineapple-sandwich was just so damn good that I needed nothing more than the tailgate of a bakkie and some star light.
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A nap is as good as a holiday
What’s more indulgent than a second serving of double-cream based chocolate tort? Having a late afternoon nap after spending all day lying on the beach. No, you have ‘earned’ that nap, but how insanely good does it feel??
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